New year, new mind

The new year 2010

I'm excited for this new year. 2009 was pretty bad to the point where I don't remember a lot of it. But I'm determined to do better this year.

I have to do better this year! It's 22 Heisei, and 22 is my favourite number. That probably means nothing, but I like to think it will be a lucky year. I'll definitley not waste as much time.

I was told I should find something to be happy about, but it seems like a ridiculous expectation. Am I meant to expore activities until I find one that excites me? What does that even mean? My dad told me I should join a club or do a sport. But usually, things are too much commitment and I end up missing meetings and deadlines. I try hard enough in school, six hours a day. After than I hardly have energy to do anything more strenuous than make dinner.

I already have a hobby, anyway, drawing. And I'm trying to hastily put together a portfolio for CSSSA, an elite art program here in California that seems intensive enough to soothe my boredom during the summer, as well as tone my skills for when I have to apply for colleges. It has painting and animation studies, two things I'm interested in, as well as silk-screening which I've studied and enjoyed. I was sweating over whether I was adequate for such a program, but some friends ensured me that I'd probably get in. Even though I don't agree, I'm a little less stressed which will probably improve the quality of my portfolio.

Speaking of college, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. While I love reading and speaking foreign languages, I don't know if I love the visual arts more, and I hate having to choose. I wish there was a way I could incorperate them. My dad uses language as a reward. He told me I couldn't take any classes outside of school for language until I was getting good grades in school. That's cool, but seeing as language is a healthy motivation, wouldn't I do better in school if I could do it at the same time? I certainly have the capacity for it, anyway. I've been stuudying independently for too long and it's hard to learn without instruction. I need two years of language to enter an exchange program, and though I've been studying for that long I still need to complete a class to fill that requirement.

Without being immersed, I can only move at this plodding pace of learning. Listening, hardly speaking, for I have no fluent friends to practice with, nor friends above my level to correct me. I'm increasingly bad at writing, again without an instructor to correct me. I suppose I should be grateful it's so easy for me to pick new things up.

So, this month I'll be creating things for my portfolio, conditioning myself for finals, and catching up on schoolwork which I'm really bad at but I won't get disheartened.

Year of the Tiger! Time to show my best work yet!