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In class, we began to explore the relationship between graffiti or tattoos and advertisements.

I think public advertisement is just about as distruptive as people say graffiti is. People can attempt to make it pretty, but it almost always takes away from the atmosphere. It's low and unwanted. If people have money, they can post their hideous advertisements in attempt to make people buy or remember something. What's the difference in graffiti? Graffiti is usually the same kind of thing. You find it in the same places, it can be colourful or drab, pleasing or appalling. In a lot of ways advertisements are similar to graffiti, although they certainly have their major differences.

If people put effort and time into something, I consider it beautiful. Graffiti is just that, it can be anonymous or infamous, someone somewhere thought it was important enough to show everyone what their idea was. We see graffiti in its' pure form, it is usually composed quickly and passionatley. There is something admirable in the form graffiti takes. We may see a certain piece every day or just once and never again.

Graffiti could say something, or it could just be someone having fun. It brings a human essence to our daily lives. Maybe someone thought their art would look great on that wall, maybe someone just wanted to sign their name to defy autority. There could be many reasons all with one outcome, the "defacing" of an "otherwise pristine" building or structure.

Graffiti is what people think, unmasked from the enigma of the crowd. Graffiti is a strong feeling or a daredevil. It's imparative that graffiti be kept in check, or else destruction would occur... but I can't help but admire graffiti when I see it around the city.

trying

I'll just get this out of the way. Trying is definitely always worth it even if the fruits of your efforts aren't what you expected.

This is one of the few weeks I've been demotivated to write. Usually, I feel strongly about something and complain about it. This week I just stared at the screen. It may have something to do with my body being heavily medicated. I think I took 20 of those cold pills this week and at least a glass of cough syrup.

I'm not an epiphany person, things are what they are and surprises just add to the stack of my interpretation of the world. I was doing a bit of self-reflection (I've had a lot of time to think, I got maybe 5 hours total of sleep this week,) and I've become familiar with the facets of my mind.

I think I'm pretty boring, I only think about the same things, I'm pessimistic and negative at my worst yet never optimistic at my best. My situation and placement and dull outlook has left no room for optimism. I'd like to be optimistic, it seems productive, but it's as if I can't.

I like to pretend I believe in potential and ideals, but in reality my mind is "things happen the way they do, time that 'should have' been spent working is time I used to relax, or whatever I was doing, so there's no loss."

It's that kind of thing that is the basis of my "no regrets" policy. I don't really regret anything. Regret can be constructive, like optimism, it is a strong force and one unattainable for me.

I don't regret doing poorly the past year in school. I was conflicted, I isolated myself, I let myself fester in my pessimism and demotivation, and routine did not help. I remember it vaguely, I remember going through each day ignoring my vices and doing the bare minimum. It would have been better if there was someone or something to motivate me, but there was nothing. I was confused and needy, and would not admit these things. I felt uncomfortable because I believed what I was doing was pointless. I also felt like a burden and a disappointment in the shadow of my sister, who did well and remained a positive energy.

So what am I doing now? It's been proven to me that school is just to prepare me for the monotony of working life, and that most of the materials I learn will indeed have no effect on my life whatsoever. What is my motivation?

I'm bored. I'm under-stimulated. The classes in which I can become excited are few. I go to school and complete assignments for something to do. I try to enjoy it. All I want to do is be challenged, but I don't want to have to memorize all this or that for a reason which has only been described to me as "passing the exit exam, getting into a college." Why aren't I given practical applications? I can and will memorize things and keep them close to me if they have some relevance.

I'm not sure how to define how I think. But if everything I know is for passing a test, passing more classes, where am I going to put all the shit I don't use or need for my job? So I just wasted my time with something I hated doing anyway? When I could be made to use that time to sharpen skills which I'll actually use?

I think, I'm convinced the curricula is severely sub-par and mostly irrelevant. What is learning if the learners are unwilling?

I remember a question at the beginning of the year, something about whether or not you supported school being optional.

Well, that really depends, doesn't it? Certain classes I enjoy. History, French, English. Classes I dislike are P.E. (don't even get me started, oh my god), Geometry. Geometry might be fun if it wasn't so repetitive and if the book weren't so full of shit (a claim made by my dad, who would know what he is talking about.)

This is getting long, but I'll wrap it up.

So, if I had to add classes they'd be ones I can build off of. It's easy for me to do that with language and history (an arts class too, if I had one, I'd assume)-- not so with math. I'm terrible at math and I hate it because I like math.

Hell, what do I know? I think this is just more structured complaining.

Puris Omnia Pura

This is the motherland.

This week's title is unrelated. It means "To the pure, all is pure."

The vacation week (yes, I'll bore you with "what I did over my break") was short-lived and awkward, for the most part. I was supposed to have three thanksgiving dinners.

My mom's side of the family gathered in the shit-awful town of Reno for some reason. So, we drove the 4 hours to get there and stayed there for less than 24. The trip wasn't bad, we stopped at Fry's and I picked up 12 (Nikita Mikhailkov) and Blue (Krzysztof Kieślowski.) Apparantly at the hotel my great-uncle and my uncle got into a fist fight which involved tazers, or something. My sisters and I returned to our room and watched My Sister's Keeper afterwards, which I thought was a very good film. I imagine the book is even better, but I'm not sure if I want to read it.

On Thursday we had another dinner, one which my father cooked for, which included his parents and his girlfriend and her son. (I think. I can't quite remember.) Her son is five and it's become awkward being around him because his mother told me he has a crush on me. She's also told my father, my grandparents, and their friends, who are "in on the joke" or act like it. It's not a joke. It's funny, sure, go ahead and share it, but don't pal around with it. I think just having a lot of people in the house makes me tense.

On Friday I was expected to go to yet another Thanksgiving celebration at my aunt's house, but I refused. Why? Because I don't really like eating, don't really like Napa in the rain, and don't really feel like being subjected to more conjecture.

I asked a question of myself. What is it that makes me so want to move away? Is it purely the coveting of foreign culture which I can learn to love? Is it that bad living here?

I don't really know. It's very hard for me to specify. I like the Bay Area-maybe not specifically the East Bay, but I do appreciate what it has to offer and the amount of interesting history. But I don't really want to live here at all. Not SF because it's too cold and foggy. My doctor told me I should move somewhere warm to help my circulation problem.

I just want to return to the homeland, I guess. Is it really that simple? I think so. The memories I have are all happy and idyllic, and I know my life won't be that way if I move back, but I still really want to. I so much wish to return that if I cannot, if I must stay in this country, I think I'll go insane.

You know how most people have more than one motive to do something? And how people usually base goals off of a couple different things they'd like?

There is only one thing I want from myself. I kind of just want to get out.
I don't want to go to college for myself, either. I don't really want to do anything, I just do it because it will make things interesting later and I might be able to help people or make friends in the proccess.

I jump all over the place and never know what to say. I think my blogs get more boring as they go on.

My last thought is that I did some research and finally think I know what I want to do with my life, once and for all (since I must do something with my life, apparantly.)

I'd like to work in the creative field in animating or otherwise artistically innovative and related career fields, preferably involving technology.

Alternativley, I'll major in foreign language and aim for the top, a foreign ambassador or interpreter.


Yeah, things are going OK, but it's my least favourite time of year. I wish I could hibernate, too.

a music blog

Here's my weekly art post, inspired by "Dulce et Decorum est"by Wilfred Owen. I read the poem as part of rememberance for veteran's day. I'm totally anti-war and weapons, ever. I don't care what that makes me, I just... can't stand them. Although I do enjoy reading about past wars and history quite a lot.

I'm not sure how to write about music and what it is supposed to be like, but I've decided to try it.

There's nothing wrong with any kind of music. I love classical music the most. The plangent notes and stunning arousal of the orchestra arouse in myself emotions which I cannot describe. If I must choose a more modern genre, it would be ambient music. Vague, complex, and emotional. I have strange tastes and when I do listen to bands, I prefer those with original and interesting lyrics and ideas.

I was scared and appalled when I heard they were going to include Claude Debussy's Claire de Lune from the Suite Bergamasque in the Twilight soundtrack. I see it as blatant abuse of a well-known masterpiece, an insult to Debussy in his genius and a deciding confirmation of my hatred for the Twilight trilogy and its' franchise. I don't think there is anything likable about Twilight whatsoever. The empty, poorly written characters, the uninteresting and obscure setting (the place of action, a small, rainy town in Washington state, is hardly ever used. It is more of an excuse for the bleakness of the events within the book), the blatant self-insert mary-sue POV, the harem-type relationships between most of the characters, and the lack of definable plot make the book an atrocity, a pool of shit in the world of literature. While Debussy, a fantastic inspiration and incredible composer, is paired with the impossibly dull fiction of Twilight, I cannot sleep or dream peacefully.

I don't know if I like this. I frankly don't have much to say about music. Most of my blogs are just me complaining. In fact, I've gone on to complain already. At least I expressed my opinion.

Oh, I'll complain some more. There was a song I heard on the radio, "Whatcha Say." It used excerpts from "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap. I don't know how to express it, but it really angered me. I've liked Imogen Heap/Frou Frou for a long time, before or at least since "Hide and Seek" was used in the popular television series "The OC" (which undoubtably was the trigger for the fame of the song and its' composer in the United States.) I think "Whatcha Say" is a depressing bastardization of her music, and it totally fails to even work with the elements in the song. It just takes part of the song and "raps" around it or whatever is called music these days. I don't even think he used a recording of her track, he just re-recorded it and ill-placed it in his "song."

My sister and I share this opinion. She was with her friend when "Whatcha Say" started playing on the radio. The friend had never heard of Imogen Heap, and when my sister showed her, her friend thought it was weird.

I know there's a million tastes for music out there, but this kind of maybe enrages me a bit. I'm just one of those frumpy people who doesn't like rap? No, because I like "A Tribe Called Quest" and I love listening to their songs. It's just stuff like this, horrendous excuses for music that plague me.

a little bit of culture

This is my weekly art post for my blog! I fell in love with this picture. I think it shows my progress.

I was talking to my psychotherapist yesterday and I mentioned how annoyed I get when people can't identify Spain on a world map, or other instances of geographical ignorance. This year I've met people who couldn't identify North America, let alone Europe. Is it appalling? She told me that everyone values different subjects as being important, and I agree that geography is perhaps not totally essential to life.

For instance, not many American kids I've met know that the UK is made up of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland. In fact, UK is used interchangeably with England most of the time. And I guess it's expecting too much for people to know that people who live in the UK usually only refer to the English as being British.

I'm not trying to be condescending because I took it upon myself to learn all the countries in Europe, (of course I would, having lived there,) but I think it matters that kids know where countries are because their geography affects their culture. To say that Italy would be no different if it were inland is preposterous. And it doesn't all have to be Europe, either. I am just a Europhile.

To a lot of people I've met, culture matters more than geography and I think that's true. There are a lot of different cultures in South America. Even though they're close together, people get offended if you mix them up. And there is a great deal of cultural differences between these countries. Here in America, if you're white it doesn't matter where your ancestors were from. Croatia, Estonia, Belgium, Hungary, Spain, it's all the same, even though the cultures and are totally different. The "white" culture idea is distributed thoroughly as "one way of life all European Americans identify with."

I'm kind of offended. Oh well.

on CENSORSHIP

In order to better identify my opinion on censorship, I decided to find the source of censorship, since it certainly hasn't been around forever.

Censorship, although now divided and widespread, was at first simply the filtering of ideas. Greeks and Romans as well as the Chinese censored public opinions and transcripts in order to maintain order in their people. The job of censoring these things was considered honourable for that reason. So, as the efficiency of type improved and authors were able to distribute their works more freely, censorship laws cracked down. Especially the Catholic Church did not want anything to do with ideas they deemed heretic. The more complex and connected a society, the more the authorities wanted to regulate the flow of ideas and thus, we get lots of different kinds of censorship.

Obviously, it all goes downhill from there. It took the whole renaissance to halt the laws spread by the church regarding nudity. Michealangelo's Sistine Chapel cieling even revolted some church officials due to its' "lude" depictions of the human body. And that wasn't even a total reformation, as shortly afterwards people decided to "artfully censor" "distasteful areas" of the human body with leaves and such. People seem to be really conflicted with genitalia and what it means. In my honest opinion, it means nothing if depicted in a tasteful and understated manner. Even that's a conservative opinion considering genitalia and even a woman's breasts are part of the human body and there's absoltuley no reason why people should try to eliminate such "taboo" parts of the body from public society.

"'Taboo' parts of the body" sounds ridiculous anyway, because it is. Americans in particular are very touchy about censorship of the human body, and it is thus considerably rare to find a nude or topless beach here, compared to in Europe. Frankly I'm appalled at the way Americans deal with censorship. They censor everything, from exposure to tobacco, drug and alcohol use in films and television to very minor nudity such as exposed buttocks. It's even a bit sexist as to what is considered the most unnaceptable here, since female nudity is considered less severe than male nudity.

What's in nudity that's so bad anyway? It's not like we're showing people "in the act" if we allow a little bit here and there. Women's breasts are just like mens' only fuller, and they certainly aren't just sex symbols. Hell, some men have larger breasts than some women. There's no reason why we should censor them just because they belong to a woman. In fact, I refuse to associate breasts with sexual intercourse whatsoever. They feed babies, of all things. Many times I've been appalled at the reaction my fellow students take to the exposure of breasts in classical art. It shouldn't be such a big deal. It just shouldn't.

A lot of times when you're trying to maintain order,  you don't need to be so strict. It's probably this country's refusal to deal with safe sex and human sexuality (which are HUGE parts of society whether we like it or not, even if not especially in teens,) that gives it unacceptable percentages in STDs, pregnancy, and sexuality-related suicide amoung teens. The same thing goes for alchohol abuse.

Anyone can have their beleifs and play by their own rules, but the thing we need to understand is one group's ideals should not, should NEVER play into the lives of others. I have a lot to write about censorship especially the extreme and subtle varieties of censorship which this country has developed regarding gay couples and gay marriage. Most appaling is the censorship of current events, but, I will save that for another day.

I'd really appreciate it if you commented and told me your own opinions about censorship, if and why you agree or disagree with me, etc. I am truly and passionately interested in anything any of you might have to say.

resolved statement of purpose

• What impressions do you get of the writing you've done so far?

It's apparent that my writing changes with my mood. I write a lot, more than required, so I should learn to break apart my subjects and put down only specifics and things I find to be most important. I'll begin tearing the leaves off the strawberries before I serve them.

• How did your original writing goals work out?

They worked out somewhat well. As a person, I'm not good at following goals. My goals are always mutable and thus I'm not disappointed in myself even though I strayed from my original expectations.

• How have your goals changed for the second quarter?

My new goals are surely not as strict-perhaps more predictions than goals-and they're also more broadly distributed. At first I didn't know how hard blogging was going to be for me-I'm used to writing often, but I wasn't sure how I was going to write about something I chose every week. As I've found, it's a lot easier than I expected. There are plenty of things to write about and plenty of ways to write about them.

I've become a lot more comfortable with the concept of a blog by doing these weekly assignments and I'm having a lot of fun reading everyone's blogs and hoping people have gotten something from reading mine.

This repulsive keyboard is cramping my style so I'll add more when I get home.

(cont.)

I've also decided to post a bit of art every week to cite my progress and also so that I can be consistent for once. Another thing about this blog which I love: consistency. It's forced me to be somewhat consistent and I will attempt to help it to force me to be consistent by posting art.

So, this is a bit I drew on Tegaki E!

This took me almost an hour to draw and I'm not all the way satisfied with it. I could have worked on it more, but I was somewhat satisfied with the way it came out so I left it the way it was. I think it looks nice, but that the shading at its' deepest points was a little too dark and reddish for the overall light and blue-yellow toned picture. Recently I've been infatuated with classical and renaissance art and I think that shows here.

Once again I ask for critique, etc... for now, all this planning has exhausted my brain. I'm not looking forward to Thursday because I start my day with PE and end it with Geometry, two classes I'm not so fond of..

a sketch-related post

I've been wanting to write a blog about my hobby for quite a while now, and I suppose this is as good a time as any. I've been having trouble challenging myself since I've been practicing the basics for a long time- anatomy and shading (light sources, ambient light, negative space.) I generally learn independently about these things by studying photographs, the work of great artists, and of course, my surroundings. But there are some things I have difficulty with and the most prominent of these is dynamics. Dynamic poses and settings elude me, but I value them greatly. A piece which not only attracts attention with detail but also with a fresh setting and perspective.

I drew this picture this week during class. I know I should pay attention, especially in geometry, but my thoughts are errant. I had to force myself not to jump headfirst into adding dark shadow and I'm really satisfied with the result. I know the picture quality is terrible, but I'll scan it and post a link when I get home. Hopefully the picture gives an idea of the time I put into shading it and developing the pose.

It isn't very dynamic-it's calm, I think, somber... yet restless, which is kind of how I feel. The picture reflects my attitude. Usually I don't have trouble deciding what to name my images, but this is an exception. It puzzles me. The subject looks limp, but not tired. He reminds me of autumn and I'm glad, because autumn was the theme. I kind of wish I could apply the time I put into stuff at school on some kind of canvas... I wish I was in an art class, too.

I'm not one to critique my own artwork though, so I'll ask for critique here. Be as brutal as you see fit.

I totally want to write about what we discussed today but instead I'll wait until I've heard the meeting and do some more research and post it as my next blog. This was a pretty fun week! I'm looking forward to pyjamas day. Also, I didn't know pyjamas was pajamas in American English. If you're thinking pyjamas is an odd word like I am, here's an easy-access etymology link:

pajamas

1800, pai jamahs "loose trousers tied at the waist," worn by Muslims in India and adopted by Europeans there, especially for nightwear, from Hindi pajama, probably from Pers. paejamah, lit. "leg clothing," from pae "leg" (from PIE *ped- "foot," see foot) + jamah "clothing." Modern spelling (U.S.) is from 1845. British spelling tends toward pyjamas.

Makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Just a bit of an odd root. Like skosh, meaning a little bit, comes from the Japanese sukoshi, also meaning a little bit. There's a bit of everything in English!

I felt like writing

Recently my classmates and I began character study, and with it, discovered our Myers-Briggs personality type. First of all character study is, for me, probably the most interesting part of a book. In a well written book, the character is hard to analyze, which makes it pleasantly confusing. All I can ask for in a book is that it initally confuses me. I do enjoy being confused, and it does happen noticably often. Rather than complain about my confusion, I like to work things out in my head.

That's one of the best parts of reading; unlike television or other electronic media, it leaves gaps for your mind to fill. How complex is an image or audio compared to the expertise of the human mind? I don't need a character depicted for me if I can interpret as much (probably more) from a written passage. It's one of the reasons I'm partial to reading. Sometimes I wonder how little the future generations will read. Looking at reading texts from as late as the 50's, it's apparant that we're expected to read less and less.

Perhaps there's nothing wrong with that, perhaps reading is ultimatley going to be only as complex as the common spoken word. The other day, I asked my dad "why, if we are required to go to school anyway, don't they teach us the vocabulary and grammar of English like we see in Shakespeare? It's not like we have peasants anymore, all kids must go to school, and although a disturbing abundance of Americans are illiterate the majority of youths in schools are not. So, why is all this vocabulary being discarded?"

You could say that the meaning of our language hasn't changed, because new meanings have been added to words like "programme" very recently. Is it a good thing to pack more meanings into words in favour of using the 'right' word for the situation? All languages become simpler with time. It can make them easier to understand, and thus learn, and also more efficient. For instance, the invention of the Korean alphabet gave rise to a healthy burst of literacy in Korea, since it was a lot simpler than the Chinese system. Look at Latin, the language of the Romans. It's overtly complex, yet, surprisingly efficient. Where's the medium? Is there one? In the scheme of things the human race is relativley new. I suppose we can't be expected to develop a language that's efficient, easy to learn, as well as boundlessley expressive.

I prefer the complex English, left unmarred by nonsense words added to the dictionary in the newest century like "grrrl." Yes, that is a word in the dictionary. No, I will never shame myself by using it. Another new word in the dictionary is "muggle," which is acceptable, since words get added to the dictionary based on literature all the time (i.e. "ravenous" and "utopian.") I digress.

It seems my digression is becoming more frequent the more I blog. I think that's a good thing. When I started this blog, I was going to talk about the personality types Briggs and Myers categorized, yet I went off on a spiel on something remarkably unrelated. I hope it's still interesting..?

fall/winter

Today, it rained. It rained a little, it rained a lot, but by 3:00 the sidewalks were caught in a dwarf deluge, the water steaming and lapping, obscured with millions of coin-shaped imperfections. A lingering group of students amassed at the school entrance, impatient. I walked home alone, on an empty street, with no umbrella, just me and the rain and clothes quickly giving way to cold saturation.

The rain dominates the streets, but as soon as it comes it goes, leaving a hemisphere of dampened sound and air in its' wake.

I love the rain. I spent my childhood in Swindon, which was consistently obscured by passing rainclouds. Of course, this is England. You can bet it rains everywhere. We also had a forest there. Have you ever been in a forest when it rains? There is no greater gift.

Seasonal Affective Disorder, a kind of depression (abreviated SAD, ) inflicts some people I know. In a breif description it's a major depressive disorder occuring in the winter months, sometimes extending into spring or fall. It comes with the rain and leaves with it, in our case. And it has a lot to do with light.

There is so little we know about the brain, so little that people care to notice. And a noticable percent (9%) in the northern US, compared to 1.5% in the south is compromising. It baffles me how something as small as a routine loss of light can inflict so many with anxiety and suicidal thoughts that may even lead to hospitalisation.

And it's true that we can relate all of it to serotonin, which produces healthy, happy minds.

It's possible to manipulate levels of serotonin and that's mildly unsettling. Bioscientists are working on unlocking the secrets to cell reproduction, and perhaps in my lifetime it will be possible to regrow limbs just like a fetus might. Biology is terrifying.

But, I digress.

My point is that while you'd assume something as routine as the changing of seasons leaves human minds unaffected, you'd be wrong.

wading in troubled waters

After reviewing a few things I realize I'm quite scatter brained. Also, I hate my last post. I just noticed how much I hated it. It fills me with emotions like shame and disappointment.

I've forgotten how much blogs excite me, and how much I want to interest people with things I write about. Thinking about that makes me truly happy.

So, this week I'm going to comb the matted hair of my blog and try hard to make my blog reflect my true thoughts.

I know I'm supposed to write in paragraphs... However, in the nature of the blog, I prefer to sort my thoughts in segments. I suppose, as long as it's not a wall of text it's fine.

I'm sort of in a writing slump right now, and I'm not sure what to write about. I'm in the school library during lunch time. Am I antisocial? I just feel less than interesting and kind of sick, l-lol.

Yesterday, my sister told me she was getting up early to bake cookies. When I asked her why, she told me it was because she had spread some rumors about a girl in her school and felt terrible, so even though she was sick she was going to school to give her the cookies and apologize. I wish everyone were like my sister, since everyone can be cruel-it's human nature. Apologies are also human, but a higher level of human. Apologies are great.

I wish that I had more things to be interested in. I mean, it seems like everyone has something passionate to blog about, but there's nothing I like which I can really elaborate on. I guess I could review more, but that's bound to get boring after a while. Basically I feel quite empty-minded about things. I'm not a very interesting person.

I guess I could blog about religion since I don't really have one, and writing about it might help me define, or redefine my stance.

My most recent event concerning religion was, well, my stepmother's death. A lot of people flooded into the house during that time for known reasons, as well as the fact that she'd left behind my half-sister who was only two weeks old. Some nuns and stuff came over to the house, and as I was standing around being a heathen, I heard them discuss that religion was the most important at times like this. I don't agree with Catholoisism at all-most monotheistic religions for that matter-and these people think they can come in and tell the people in my family that in this time of crisis we should direct our attention towards some god? How do they know anyone in my family is catholic? Nobody in our family practices catholosism or belongs to it. Preachers.

Perhaps what most annoys me about the vocal, preaching catholic is the fact that religion is at all times, directed towards oneself. To talk about your beleif is to talk about yourself. I don't like listening to people talk about themselves and ask others to "find it in themselves" to look towards "god."

For if god truly existed, as it's name suggests, he should at least set some common interest for people.

I'm not alone if I assume that there is more "good" than "bad" in this world, i.e. even dolphins kill for fun.

If religion could help me, I would thank it. I don't thank dieties for my recurring depression. And all I can think about when it's suggested to me that I need to follow some centuries-old guidelines which may well have been written by drunkards is that I'm very angry at people for preaching to me about themselves.

[escape]

I don't have a daily schedule except to go to school. I don't like to label the things that I do as being routine, because then they will be. It's true that things get repetitive. It's true that I'm less likely to do something the more I have to do it. I don't expect much from my life, there isn't much I can do as I have no money, power, or status. What if I could create these things for myself? Everyone is telling me that I can, but I don' t think those things are important, unless there's an ulterior motive for doing these things. I don't think I can do them. It's not in my annoyance capacity.

I'm well aware most of my classes don't teach me anything of worth. Just look at PE. Physical Education my ass. I'm not learning anything about how to keep myself fit and the tests we're periodically given are so elementary they have virtually nothing of benefit to teach. Pacers, in my opinion, are a lazy teacher's way of making sure he works his kids into the ground. It's not even creative. Running is instinct. Basic cardio, no effort. Not to mention effort means nothing if you can't complete 40 laps or 20 curl-ups. Repulsive. A disgusting degradation of fitness.
Perhaps PE is a bad example. Nobody expects you to learn anything in PE, anyway (which might be why it's so bad.) Let me use another.
Geometry. You will never, ever use geometry in life unless you want to manually hang picture frames without a bubble gauge. My dad's a computer programmer, you bet he uses math, and none of it is geometry. So why would they make it a requirement? Do they want me to learn to think a certain way? I've heard numerous theories about geometry. People who are good at algebra hate geometry, even though it's really just algebra on a grid. Geometry is confusing, it's less math than it is bullshit, especially today when our textbooks for math are packed tight with just that. I'm willing to bet 70% of what they'll teach me this year is bullshit they invented so that they could sell another round of textbooks to California schools and make more money which they certainly don't deserve. People who write these textbooks must be fat and pompous. Perhaps I'm letting my emotions get ahead of me-either way, imo, it's a valid opinion to keep.

It's not even that I hate geometry... I just hate how it's taught and what it's become. Even though it is useless. I'm pretty enraged today.

(Written on Wednesday. Today, Thursday, I'm editing.)

Possibly the worst part about my despondent mentality is that I understand that in my mind I'm perfectly capable of completing each task I'm assigned. It might be easier for me if I had an idea of things I wanted to learn. Or things to actively learn. I wish the majority of the 6 hours I spend in school daily was learning, but it's not. I wish I had a plethora of interesting things to read and talk about with my peers, but their general lack of interest leaves me depressed. I love discussing things. I think it's the best way for me to learn something, because there are always other opinions which I would like to be brought up.
It's not really like that, though... I don't think anyone has offered to tell me or show me what they've written or drawn for school unless we have to present it. Am I asking too much? Am I bored? I must be the worst kind of bored because I'm prone to failing as well.

I did well in middle school... perhaps it's all my mentality.

[Tatum Annotation]

In class we were asked to annotate ab excerpt from Beverly Daniel Tatum's "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?".
I felt strongly about some of the points she made and so I'll be choosing to write about those. This whole day has been full of rage, but I'll try to tone it down a bit.

Tatum starts right off assuming that racial hate-crimes occur everywhere and fails to prove to me why it's relevant. Hate crimes may or may not be the product of prejudice, and it could be that we record hate crimes incorrectly. Let's say a white guy robs a black guy-it's not always hate. Maybe they just had a good prosecutor. In any case, not all racial hate crimes are directed at "people of colour," of course, and she doesn't try to prove that they are. She just throws it down in a list as if trying to overwhelm me with her "facts and expertise."

I felt uninformed while reading practically the whole article because Tatum doesn't elaborate on points of interest. I couldn't care less about her students' poll at young children, because I distinctly remember being a child in a similar situation. I lived in Europe until I was 8 years old. I lived in a white community in Swindon. It was England, and we just didn't have black people in our community. So, I'd never seen a black person outside of the media. Maybe I did draw conclusions about them, it didn't matter. What people showed me didn't breed any hatred or contempt for black people. I really didn't care, and I don't think any kids do. To say all kids are free of prejudice is a stretch, but I wasn't equipped with enough examples or experiences to draw any conclusion, and thus, any prejudiced opinion. Perhaps a drawing I would have done at 5 might have come out looking "racist." That didn't mean all my thoughts were racist. It just meant that's how it was shown to me. Children are to an extent independent and free to make or not make conclusions based on the ideas around them. So Tatum, I'd prefer it if you didn't accuse me, and all people, of being ignorant and angry enough to draw those kinds of conclusions JUST BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T GROW UP IN AN INTEGRATED NEIGHBORHOOD. It wasn't a good thing or a bad thing.

Also, who says "Indian" is an offensive term for Native American? I have cousins who live up on a reservation in Washington state. Everyone just calls them Indian, and they don't mind. It may be "politically incorrect," but it isn't hurting anyone. I don't feel comfortable using the term myself, but I don' t think it's right to say kids have the wrong idea by associating Native Americans with the word "Indian."

About this paragraph, which I will now paste:

"What had this woman learned about who in our society is considered beautiful and who is not? Had she imagined Elizabeth Taylor when she thought of Cleopatra? The new information her classmate had shared and her own deeply ingrained assumptions about who is beautiful and who is not were too incongruous to allow her to take in this new information at that moment."

I think this whole paragraph, or rather, essay, is assumption. I'm bored with her assumptions. I'm bored with her assuming racism can be cleaned like air, that since I'm white I'm racist, that I must breed harmful prejudice in order to be normal, that that's not my fault, etc.

As far as I'm concerned if I am racist, it's my own fault. I have a think called FREE WILL and even without that, I have freedom of thought. I've always had the responsibility to stand up to racist ideas that are flung at me just because I live in 2009's USA. I have no idea who Tatum is trying to appeal to, but it's not going to be me. I know I'll probably have to analyze more of her work later on-I can only hope that it doesn't disagree with me like this did.

[Tegaki E]

Tegaki E is a blog website where all the entries and comments are hand-written. The original website is Tegaki, and it's in Japanese. Thus, the E in Tegaki E stands for English, since it is mostly English speakers.

What's great about this website is that the canvas, or applet, has only pre-selected colours and opacities. It used to be that there were no opacities, and some people still draw that way, however, the restrictions that 100% opacity provides seem to be beneficial to users. I think this is because it forces them to gauge the value of the colour without being able to alter it. The user has to think about which colors, not shades, will work together to create the illusion of lighting, or shadows, of a certain colour. So what is more effort definitley helps the user develop their art.

It's true with everything, though. More effort, more time and more thought will always, always make a better product.

You can use programmes like photoshop, which has an abundance of tools and effects and brushes and even transforming ability, or you could use Tegaki, which has virtually no special features, as well as only one layer. It seems like a done deal, obviously you'd use photoshop. But quite a few users, primarily young ones like myself, do use Tegaki instead of or as well as expensive drawing and effects programmes like photoshop.

I asked the question why, but as soon as I'd asked myself the answer became apparant. It's because every artist is given the same slate, and each making what they will of it is something to behold. You can see what someone's drawn and see how they drew it, which tools they used, because there are so few tools. And people are able to make magnificent pictures using just patience and practice. Skill comes with these things. If you can draw with Tegaki, then using other programmes is infinitley easier. It's almost like a skillbuilding tool, for me.

I don't want to go into a career involving visual arts and such, but to draw on Tegaki and improve my drawing skills is a very fun hobby and it brings me great joy. I wanted to blog about it to exemplify my thoughts on a website full of artists I admire and tools I both struggle with and appreciate.

http://www.unowen.net/tegaki/

Here's the front page. The drawings you see there have been voted on by other users and then approved by mods, so it's probably the best of what people draw on Tegaki.

[statement of purpose]

I hope to write about several things in my blog. I want to write about what people want to read while putting my thoughts and opinions into it. I hope to get feedback, from anyone kind enough to have something to say.

The thoughts I have may be immeasurable and for this reason I think it's a good idea to seperate them into categories of things that I care about or am exposed to often. Languages are one of these, the others are primarily media as well as culture. I suppose culture is language and food and such, but the category of culture is so wide that I think it's best to split them up.

The ideas I have for blogging fall into these topics: Food, France, drawing/art, and perhaps Video Games.

Why would I want to blog about food? I think the food situation in the USA is horrifying. Americans never were quite good at coming up with healthy solutions- you may know of marshmallow fluff and jello being added to otherwise heart-stopping or intestine-churning dishes, neither of which are healthy or belong in a balanced meal. Anyway, it's not like eating terrible food is a new thing for people in the USA. Our mothers and fathers, if they were native to this culture, probably grew up on such terrible food. But, I digress. I like cooking with basics but varying the way I add them. This isn't to say I create weird, new foods-I just think I know what's good for me, not the government or the dairy and meat industries.

I want to blog about France because it is familiar yet unfamiliar-people know French artists and such, yet I've met far too many people, who, due to propaganda or media or something, believe that the French hate Americans. It's totally incomprehensible that the French would hate Americans, and I have no idea where anyone would learn to believe that to be true. It kind of makes me want to laugh or rage. I'd just like to tell people about French culture because it may be new and interesting for people to read about.

Lastly but not finally, I want to blog about drawing and art because it is something that I do so often. Perhaps too often, as it seeps into my assignments and class time. I literally draw whenever I can get my hands on a pencil or pen. I even have a tablet now so I can draw on the computer as well. In these drawing related blogs I hope to post art I've done and analyze it. Over time, I could even point out my progress between different works.

This marks the end of my blog, thank you for reading :)
I hope to post some interesting articles based on this statement of purpose soon.