a voice

Let me talk about something that I do know, or perhaps don't know.
Let me talk about something that most people agree would be impossible for me to know, since I haven't experienced it.


That something is age, and not numbers, but the fickle and undefined "boundaries" we draw as fractions of a lifetime. I consider them meaningless... I see no difference in person between myself now and myself as a "child," we are the same, I will always be the same. Many adults have shrugged this attitude off as immature, though not blaming me for it (since I am inexperienced with life) and not attempting to define it the way it's "supposed" to be defined.

When does one cease to be a child? When does one begin adulthood? Different cultures see these things differently. In our culture, we even embrace the in-between time, adolescence, as being neither adult nor child. (Which, in my opinion, is quite stupid considering we expect our adolescents to carry large responsibilities and make great decisions, yet forbid them from joining adults until they've reached the landmark of 18 years.)

As we know, if you treat someone like something and tell them that they are that something, they become that something. This effect was seen in the genocides we read about, as well as a study conducted on young students. If people treat you badly, you become as bad as they believe you to be.

And is this a bad thing? Certainly not. It is our job to fit in, to pay the same taxes and to slide into a functioning part of society. If everyone was treated well from start to finish, they would do none but admirable things, correct? I'm not sure, since it's impossible to avoid people and things that we consider to be destructive. Impossible, even for the richest and most privileged child.

Not that most or all of us are doomed to malevolence, just that some, the unlucky, feel that being so is the best choice. The easiest choice, or the most fun. It is a matter of opinion, also a matter of treatment. Do we chose to do bad things? Are we left without a choice? Do we believe we can get away with them, or do we simply believe that any punishment would be worth it? Or do we feel the natural and absurdly strong tug of revenge..? Who, indeed, is to refuse that which plagues him even in idle thought?

I don't mean to get into a lengthy, philosophical rant. I'm not capable of proving bad and good, strong and weak, young and old, and so I'll just talk about myself as usual.

The point of me saying this, as roundabout as I am, is that nobody can prove to me that I've been a child, I am a teenager, I will be an adult, and then a senior, etc. I will not speak about my childhood as a separate page. It is all on one page, as far as I'm concerned. I will take none of this childhood bullshit. As mature or immature as I am, I will never shake this mentality.

The same questions I had as a child still pool in my conscience, only I have answered some of them. I have strengthened the meaning of my years as I add on more years, and that is all... That is about all I can say about that, the way my childhood lives in me, the way my future mind will look to my present mind for important questions and answers.

I've been told by one that I come across as always thinking I am right. I do not think so about myself, and it is hard to believe that I come across as that willful and haughty. But one thing I can be sure about is my mind. Nobody can tell me otherwise or convince me otherwise about my mind...