This is the motherland.This week's title is unrelated. It means "To the pure, all is pure."
The vacation week (yes, I'll bore you with "what I did over my break") was short-lived and awkward, for the most part. I was supposed to have three thanksgiving dinners.
My mom's side of the family gathered in the shit-awful town of Reno for some reason. So, we drove the 4 hours to get there and stayed there for less than 24. The trip wasn't bad, we stopped at Fry's and I picked up 12 (Nikita Mikhailkov) and Blue (Krzysztof Kieślowski.) Apparantly at the hotel my great-uncle and my uncle got into a fist fight which involved tazers, or something. My sisters and I returned to our room and watched My Sister's Keeper afterwards, which I thought was a very good film. I imagine the book is even better, but I'm not sure if I want to read it.
On Thursday we had another dinner, one which my father cooked for, which included his parents and his girlfriend and her son. (I think. I can't quite remember.) Her son is five and it's become awkward being around him because his mother told me he has a crush on me. She's also told my father, my grandparents, and their friends, who are "in on the joke" or act like it. It's not a joke. It's funny, sure, go ahead and share it, but don't pal around with it. I think just having a lot of people in the house makes me tense.
On Friday I was expected to go to yet another Thanksgiving celebration at my aunt's house, but I refused. Why? Because I don't really like eating, don't really like Napa in the rain, and don't really feel like being subjected to more conjecture.
I asked a question of myself. What is it that makes me so want to move away? Is it purely the coveting of foreign culture which I can learn to love? Is it that bad living here?
I don't really know. It's very hard for me to specify. I like the Bay Area-maybe not specifically the East Bay, but I do appreciate what it has to offer and the amount of interesting history. But I don't really want to live here at all. Not SF because it's too cold and foggy. My doctor told me I should move somewhere warm to help my circulation problem.
I just want to return to the homeland, I guess. Is it really that simple? I think so. The memories I have are all happy and idyllic, and I know my life won't be that way if I move back, but I still really want to. I so much wish to return that if I cannot, if I must stay in this country, I think I'll go insane.
The vacation week (yes, I'll bore you with "what I did over my break") was short-lived and awkward, for the most part. I was supposed to have three thanksgiving dinners.
My mom's side of the family gathered in the shit-awful town of Reno for some reason. So, we drove the 4 hours to get there and stayed there for less than 24. The trip wasn't bad, we stopped at Fry's and I picked up 12 (Nikita Mikhailkov) and Blue (Krzysztof Kieślowski.) Apparantly at the hotel my great-uncle and my uncle got into a fist fight which involved tazers, or something. My sisters and I returned to our room and watched My Sister's Keeper afterwards, which I thought was a very good film. I imagine the book is even better, but I'm not sure if I want to read it.
On Thursday we had another dinner, one which my father cooked for, which included his parents and his girlfriend and her son. (I think. I can't quite remember.) Her son is five and it's become awkward being around him because his mother told me he has a crush on me. She's also told my father, my grandparents, and their friends, who are "in on the joke" or act like it. It's not a joke. It's funny, sure, go ahead and share it, but don't pal around with it. I think just having a lot of people in the house makes me tense.
On Friday I was expected to go to yet another Thanksgiving celebration at my aunt's house, but I refused. Why? Because I don't really like eating, don't really like Napa in the rain, and don't really feel like being subjected to more conjecture.
I asked a question of myself. What is it that makes me so want to move away? Is it purely the coveting of foreign culture which I can learn to love? Is it that bad living here?
I don't really know. It's very hard for me to specify. I like the Bay Area-maybe not specifically the East Bay, but I do appreciate what it has to offer and the amount of interesting history. But I don't really want to live here at all. Not SF because it's too cold and foggy. My doctor told me I should move somewhere warm to help my circulation problem.
I just want to return to the homeland, I guess. Is it really that simple? I think so. The memories I have are all happy and idyllic, and I know my life won't be that way if I move back, but I still really want to. I so much wish to return that if I cannot, if I must stay in this country, I think I'll go insane.
You know how most people have more than one motive to do something? And how people usually base goals off of a couple different things they'd like?
There is only one thing I want from myself. I kind of just want to get out.
I don't want to go to college for myself, either. I don't really want to do anything, I just do it because it will make things interesting later and I might be able to help people or make friends in the proccess.
I jump all over the place and never know what to say. I think my blogs get more boring as they go on.
My last thought is that I did some research and finally think I know what I want to do with my life, once and for all (since I must do something with my life, apparantly.)
I'd like to work in the creative field in animating or otherwise artistically innovative and related career fields, preferably involving technology.
Alternativley, I'll major in foreign language and aim for the top, a foreign ambassador or interpreter.
Yeah, things are going OK, but it's my least favourite time of year. I wish I could hibernate, too.
There's a lot in here. So much that I'm not sure how to respond; perhaps I simply shouldn't. But what I really want to say is: Deep breath. There are tons of choices you can make; the best way to make them is in a relaxed, peaceful state of mind. Places to live, fields of study to "enter," schools to go to or not...these are important decisions to be sure, but it sounds like you're letting the sheer number of these issues overwhelm you. You'll find your way in your own time, sure enough; meanwhile, I hope you'll try to look at the number of talents and interests you have as an ASSET, rather than a CONFUSION. Make sense?
ReplyDeleteIt does make sense... But I can't help but be confused. I feel like so much is expected of me and I sometimes feel like I'm incapable of it. They will come in steps, for sure. I don't really like thinking about the future though, so much time I've already used in my life that went by so quickly...
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