wading in troubled waters

After reviewing a few things I realize I'm quite scatter brained. Also, I hate my last post. I just noticed how much I hated it. It fills me with emotions like shame and disappointment.

I've forgotten how much blogs excite me, and how much I want to interest people with things I write about. Thinking about that makes me truly happy.

So, this week I'm going to comb the matted hair of my blog and try hard to make my blog reflect my true thoughts.

I know I'm supposed to write in paragraphs... However, in the nature of the blog, I prefer to sort my thoughts in segments. I suppose, as long as it's not a wall of text it's fine.

I'm sort of in a writing slump right now, and I'm not sure what to write about. I'm in the school library during lunch time. Am I antisocial? I just feel less than interesting and kind of sick, l-lol.

Yesterday, my sister told me she was getting up early to bake cookies. When I asked her why, she told me it was because she had spread some rumors about a girl in her school and felt terrible, so even though she was sick she was going to school to give her the cookies and apologize. I wish everyone were like my sister, since everyone can be cruel-it's human nature. Apologies are also human, but a higher level of human. Apologies are great.

I wish that I had more things to be interested in. I mean, it seems like everyone has something passionate to blog about, but there's nothing I like which I can really elaborate on. I guess I could review more, but that's bound to get boring after a while. Basically I feel quite empty-minded about things. I'm not a very interesting person.

I guess I could blog about religion since I don't really have one, and writing about it might help me define, or redefine my stance.

My most recent event concerning religion was, well, my stepmother's death. A lot of people flooded into the house during that time for known reasons, as well as the fact that she'd left behind my half-sister who was only two weeks old. Some nuns and stuff came over to the house, and as I was standing around being a heathen, I heard them discuss that religion was the most important at times like this. I don't agree with Catholoisism at all-most monotheistic religions for that matter-and these people think they can come in and tell the people in my family that in this time of crisis we should direct our attention towards some god? How do they know anyone in my family is catholic? Nobody in our family practices catholosism or belongs to it. Preachers.

Perhaps what most annoys me about the vocal, preaching catholic is the fact that religion is at all times, directed towards oneself. To talk about your beleif is to talk about yourself. I don't like listening to people talk about themselves and ask others to "find it in themselves" to look towards "god."

For if god truly existed, as it's name suggests, he should at least set some common interest for people.

I'm not alone if I assume that there is more "good" than "bad" in this world, i.e. even dolphins kill for fun.

If religion could help me, I would thank it. I don't thank dieties for my recurring depression. And all I can think about when it's suggested to me that I need to follow some centuries-old guidelines which may well have been written by drunkards is that I'm very angry at people for preaching to me about themselves.